People Grow Up, People Grow Apart

Let's turn the pages back a little bit.

Graduation - A time in my life when I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to finally have to grow up, and I didn't want to lose any one of my friends.

Helped at UCA - Once the 2011 school year started, I was "helping out" at UCA, so I was still able to catch up with my friends, and see them just as much as I used to! 

Got A Job - So I finally took the next step that every person has to take eventually. I got a job at Chick-fil-A. I started to make some new friends, and I started to work more and more.

Today - I work 4-5 days a week now. On my days off, I usually have something going on. My Chick-fil-A friends are more like family now, and I spend more time at CFA than I do at home.

My free time has slowly dwindled more and more, to where I actually had to break down and buy a planner, so I can remember what all I have going on in my life. I've made some tight friendships at Chick-fil-A with quite a few of my coworkers, and some of my old friendships have drifted away.

I remember talking to my Mom around the time of graduation, and telling her how I felt like I was already losing some friendships. She told me, "I remember being your age and thinking that I was going to be friends with my high school friends until we die. But here I am now, and I don't even know where one of those people are today." I was determined not to be like that. But it's only been less than a year, and I've majorly lost touch with a lot of good friends. I could blame it on my job, blame it on my ignorance, or just be real and say that I'm finally growing up.

Update on Life

Hey everyone! Well, I've been a working gal for over three weeks now, and let me say this. It is challenging!

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I really do. There's just a lot of stuff to get adjusted to. I think the hardest thing for me to do is to be happy at all times. I mean, what person wants to come into a restaurant at be greeted by a sour-faced brat? I'm sure nobody does. I don't have a problem with it most of the time, but it's hard to be chipper when your feet hurt and you've hurt yourself in some way during the day! It's hard not to complain about things, but I try to remember that I'm blessed to have a job anyways! I'm trying my hardest to not complain or be annoyed while I'm there. I really want to sometimes, but I'm learning to keep it to myself.

In other news, on Friday morning I accidentally cut myself with the box cutter at work! It was freaky! My manager Zach had to fix it up and deal with the blood. I felt bad because he was sick anyways, but it's kind of hard to bandage myself with one hand! Long story short, I've been staying away from the box cutter. (By the way, the picture makes it look worse than it was. It really wasn't too terribly bad.)

It's 9 o'clock now...bedtime! Another thing I've gotten used to is going to bed early, and waking up at the crack of dawn! I'm learning to appreciate sleep and free time! Night, loves!

Learning something new erry'day,
Kirstin

Chances Are...

Here lately I've been thinking about marriage. Partly due to the fact that my brother, Ryan, just got engaged to one of my best friends, Amanda! :)

Anyways, I've been thinking about how I hear a lot of girls talking about how "When I get married, I'll do yada yada.." just assuming that they will get married one day. I'm trying so hard to come to the realization that God controls my life. He controls what will happen. Me getting married might not be in His plan. I'm trying to realize that my life is not my own, no matter how much I try to control things. I mean, I still really want to get married one day, but if God has something else for me, then I should be content with that. I should be content with it because it's what HE wants, not what I want.

I want to be so close to God that His desires will be mine, and I won't have any problem with whatever He wants me to do (or not do.)

The chances of getting married are high these days, but the chances of them lasting are low. If I ever get married, I want it to be God-ordained, because I'd rather wait a long time for my marriage to last, rather than jump into something that will fall apart.

I'm Not Usually Like This

I’m going to be straight with you. Sometimes, I become lame and really want to have a boyfriend NOW. I don’t want to have to wait years to finally have one. I become extremely impatient and the thoughts of “I want a boyfriend” continue to go through my head for as long as I allow them. I become discontent with how my life is because all of my friends who have significant others seem to be having a better life than I. I become so typical teenage girl-ish that it ruins my whole day.

I was having one of these “Teen Days” just a few weeks ago. A few of my girl friends had just gotten nice boyfriends, and I let it linger through my head that I “kind of” wanted a boyfriend. Well, the thought kept going through my head. It went from “kind of”, to “maybe”, to “really”, to “NEEDED”. I got to where I was in a mood where I wouldn’t leave my room and I just didn’t want to see anybody or hear about anything having to do with my friends who were in a relationship. If I saw one “I love you” written from a friend to her boyfriend, I’d scoff, roll my eyes, and become bitterly jealous. I’d become such a pathetic jerk and an extremely selfish person.

As I was wallowing in self-pity and selfishness, I looked up onto my bookshelf and saw the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. I thought, “Okay, maybe this will help a little bit.” I started right where I left off last, and the first thing I read was the title of the chapter, “The Right Thing at the Wrong Time is the Wrong Thing”. PANG! My heart felt like it got smacked. As I read one story, the ending to it said this -

“Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile.”

As I continued to read, the chapter was about how any season of singleness is a gift from God. I have put a bookmark in the book on that page, and I now turn to it any time that I start feeling impatient when it comes to relationships.

God really knew how to get to me that day. I love how He reveals things!

Chick-Fil-A

Remember my last post talking about an interview I had with Chick-Fil-A? Yeah? Well...I got the job!

I start at the Gallatin Chick-Fil-A the first week of December! I'm excited, but oh so nervous. I had a dream about it already. It was actually a good dream, so it made me feel better about working there!

Well I guess I should go to sleep and get rid of this annoying cold!

My pleasure,
Kirstin

Nervous

Yesterday afternoon I turned in a job application at Chick-fil-A in Gallatin. After about three and a half hours, I got a call to schedule an interview. That interview is in two hours. Nervousness for today just hit really bad.

Oh, I hope I get the job!

PRAYYYY!

Shaken

God is really great. He's so loving, and He is always really creative in how He reveals things to us.

Just the other morning, I had been praying that God would open my eyes and reveal something to me. Well, God was faithful. I was in the car with my parents, thinking about MY life and MY situations, while listening to my iPod. My iPod was on shuffle and the song "Shaken" by Hawk Nelson came on. I wasn't really listening to the words, but right when I started to listen, the words "Open my eyes and help me see, there's a world outside of me." It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am so selfish. I'm always thinking about number one. I'm always thinking about my problems, without even really caring about what other people, even my close friends, are going through. I'll care about them once they come to me and say, "Hey, can you help me out on this?" but honestly, I hardly ever REALLY put my time and effort into them. Even with some of my BEST friends, I never really take the time to see how they are really doing. This fact makes me feel so ashamed.

God's really been speaking to me about being a servant lately, and really, there's no such thing as a selfish servant. Please just pray for me!

Help Me Out, Here.

Warning: This is going to be a very honest post. It's kind of embarrassing, actually.

I used to be the DEFINITION of boy crazy. Ridiculously, I have liked countless guys in my 17 years of living. I was one of those girls that would freak out if a cute guy talked to me. I was one of those girls who would get squeaky and utterly obnoxious after talking to a guy. I still have the tendency to be obnoxious now, but not over boys.

Now, at 17 years old, I realize how stupid and idiotic I was in doing that. I'm actually ashamed that I used to be that way. My views on boy/girl relationships have dramatically changed in just 7 months. Those views have been changed by situations in my life and by God showing me through His Word and through other people. Quite surprisingly, I have not had a "crush" on anybody in 7 months. During these 7 months, I've grown so much in the Lord because my mind was not occupied by thoughts of a boy. I've been guarding my heart as best as I can.

I now believe that it is so unwise to be in a relationship as a teenager. These are the changing years. Personalities change, looks change, and beliefs change. Just because you meet someone your extremely compatible with when your 16, doesn't mean one of you won't change in a drastic way later on.

I've gone 7 months without liking anybody, and I know that I am quite able to live without having a crush, so I have made a commitment to God to not like anybody until I'm at least 18. So I have a favor to ask of my friends reading this. If you hear me talking about any boy as more than a friend, or ANYTHING of that sort, please say something. It can be something as simple as "Kirstin, guard your heart." or "Kirstin, remember your commitment." Please, please, PLEASE help me in this way.

Be praying for me,
Kirstin

The Last Day

"Live every day like it's your last." Almost everybody has heard this saying. Sure, it's easy to live everyday like it's your last, but how about this? "Live every day like it's everyone else's last day." Imagine how much kinder you would be to everyone if you followed it. Imagine how different you would treat people.

Just a thought. Props to Kaitlin Kemp for thinking of it.

My Dream

First of all, I love dreaming! I usually remember what I dream about, unless something loud wakes me up. Most of my dreams don't make any sense, so this one was a little unusual.

The first thing I remember in the dream was standing in the middle of a corn/soybean field, in this big open spot. There was this little boy who looked about 8 years old, and he said his name was Joshua Bakon (pronounced like Bacon.) I thought it was kind of humorous in the dream. He then proceeded to get down on one knee, pull out a ring box, open it, and ask me to marry him. The ring wasn't any flimsy thing you'd expect an eight year old to have! It was REAL! I just started to tell him no, when he just ran off into the field crying. It was weird.

Then later on in my dream, I was in a parking lot with my Mom, when THIS GUY showed up.



He's an actor and played as the brother on "Bride Wars", among other things. Apparently I knew him and he started professing his undying love for me. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I hadn't even given him an answer yet when he started putting the ring on my finger. The ring was GORGEOUS, and I started pacing, trying to think of what to say. I ended up saying something like, "I don't know you very well, but I'll think about it." He understood and walked off. Then me and Mom got in the car and I said, "What is this, propose to Kirstin week?!"

The rest of the dream had nothing to do with being proposed to. I just remember being sat on/crushed by Jon Armistead and Harlee, crawling through mud and then being made fun of by a kid who was in my 6th grade class, and me cooking a pizza.

So there you have it! You've now had a glimpse into what I dream about! :)

-Kirstin

Cheesy Enchiladas

Warning: This blog post may contain large amounts of rambling and incoherent speech.

I feel the need to get a bunch of stuff out all in one blog.

#1 - I ran 10 laps today at the gym. I haven't ran at the gym in months, so now I feel a tiny bit of accomplishment. Soccer is starting soon so I need to get back into shape, and I've been feeling lazy. Me and Tonya are going to start running together, so it'll be a little less boring. The most laps I've ever ran are 35. My new goal is 40. That alone will take a month or two to reach, depending on how often I'm at the gym.

#2 - I'm so excited with what is going on in our youth group! We've all learned a lot this summer, and we're planning so much awesome stuff to do!

#3 - I'm so tired of hearing people ask, "Oh, where are you going to college?" And the look on their faces when I say "Nowhere."

#4 - Once soccer is over, I'm looking for a job.

#5 - I can't wait for tomorrow night, so I can see people that I haven't seen in two weeks (or more)! :)

Eat more cheese,
Kirstin

Lift Me Up

As I was driving home tonight, CFR (Christian Family Radio 90.7) was turned down really low, and I was praying out loud. I have been kind of sliding in my spiritual walk this week, and I was just asking God to forgive me because I felt like such a failure, and I prayed that He would bring me back to Him. This one song called "Lift Me Up" came on the radio moments after I prayed that. I've heard the song a few times before, but it didn't really speak to me, I just thought that it was catchy. Tonight, though, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Here are some of the lyrics:

Waiting for the sunrise

Waiting for the day

Waiting for a sign

That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy

And the hurt is deep

But when I feel like giving up

You’re reminding me

That we all fall down sometimes

But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak

Your arms wrap around me

Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I can’t see

Your heart is all that I need

Your love carries me so I’m letting go

Waiting for the sunrise

I know I’m not perfect

I know I make mistakes

I know that I have let you down

But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded

When I lose my way

When I’m crying out and falling down

You are here

It's really amazing how God can even use the radio to speak to me. The part of the song that especially got to me was "I know that I have let you down, but You love me the same". Sometimes I just think that God gets so frustrated with me because I let Him down SO many times, but I forget that He's God! God still loves me even though I screw up majorly!

Anyways, I'm definitely buying this song on iTunes ASAP, so I can play it repeatedly in my room! :) It's "Lift Me Up" by The Afters!

Love,

Kirstin

(By the way, sorry that the format is all messed up. This was originally a note on facebook, and when I copy and pasted, it made it weird!)

1 Timothy 5:1-2

"Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity." 1 Timothy 5:1-2

That's tough.

Kirstin

Inspiration Wanted

Here I am, sitting at my desk, fingers at the keyboard, waiting for inspiration.

Waiting.

And waiting.

And WAITING!

I just feel so out of it right now. The fact that it's 40 minutes until midnight might have a little something to do with it, or perhaps I'm just needing something, or someone, to inspire me. I'm hoping something will happen soon to give me something good to write about, because I'm tired of being lame and not posting anything.

Kirstin

Real Talk

Real talk.

Lately I've been really feeling like I should do something to help orphans. I don't know why. One day I just started thinking about it, and that thought grew and grew. Last week, at our S.P.L.A.S.H. event at church, one of the college team members said the word orphan, and I prayed, "God, if this whole orphan thing really is from you, then sometime during the week, have a different team member say the word orphan." Well...one of them did. I don't know where I should go from here. I mean, I'm just a 16 year old girl. I really want to get a job soon so I can use the money to sponsor one, or a few, kids through Compassion International, Orphans Tear, or some other program like that.

Someday, maybe when I'm older, I want to go overseas to help at an orphanage for a little while, Lord willing.

Is this my calling? Maybe, maybe not. But right now, my heart cries out for orphans.

-Kirstin

Crafty Wednesday - Citrus Coasters

So late last night and all of this morning was spent trying to make a felt coaster. The finishing product looks like this.

Not too shabby for a beginner. I'm probably going to make more with different colors like blue, green, pink, orange, and purple....It'll probably take a few days.

I got the idea from a website. They have a lot of craft ideas that I'll have to try. Last night was the first time I have ever hand-sewed something. I've used a sewing machine before, and I pretty much destroyed the thing I was working on. Either I'm just not a sewing machine expert, or the fact that the sewing machine was SUPER old had something to do with my failing.

Thinking of days to come,
Kirstin

Videosss! :D

I had completely forgotten about this video until now. It was from Amanda C.'s birthday party. It's like 3 seconds long...literally.

This post is going to be all about weird videos that either I'm IN, or that I like.

The Embarrassing One



The Guitar Hero One




The One That Makes Me Cry From Laughter (I'm not in it, but watch it anyways.)



Love,
Kirstin:D

Something You May Not Know

Just a warning, this post is going to be a little deeper and more personal than I think any other post I've made. This is going to be about something very important that happened in my life a long time ago, and it's something that some people already know and a lot of people don't know. People who know me really should know this about me, since it had a humungous impact on my life. It will probably shock a few people, since they have no idea this happened.

I was eight years old, and I was outside at night playing with my neighbors in Murrayville, Illinois. My parents shouted for me and Ryan to come inside. When we got inside they told us to sit down because they wanted to tell us something. My heart started beating a little faster because I thought I was in trouble for something. Then the words that I didn't expect in the least were said.

"We're getting a divorce."

Those were the only words that I remember them saying that night, because I was mostly crying the rest of the time. The only other thing I remember from that night is Mom handing me a box of Kleenex's.

I didn't fully understand what a divorce meant at the time, therefore I wasn't as affected by it as my older brothers. I just knew that it meant I wouldn't see Dad very much and that I never thought it would happen to MY parents, of all people. In what seemed like a day, we had everything packed up and me, my Mom, and my brothers moved to Lafayette, Tennessee, and my Dad moved in with his brother in Georgia.

My Mom got married to Louis McDonald. I was a lot closer to Louis than a person would expect a kid to be with their step-father. I never once remember him yelling at me or even getting mad at me. He would always call me his little nurse because anytime he would come inside with a cut, I would always patch it up. Anytime he lost something in the house, I would always know where it was. Before my next birthday, Louis got very sick. I remember that we spent a lot of time at different hospitals and that I always thought it was an interesting place. I stayed the night at a friend's house and I remember Mom had a neighbor come and pick me, Ryan, and Jake up. When we got back home, Mom told us that Louis had passed away. Yet another time I remember Mom handing me a Kleenex box. (I think that's why I never like using Kleenex's.) It seemed like after Louis' funeral, a lot of other people we knew died. Let me just say that I have been to one too many funerals, and that I would be perfectly content never going to another one.

After a few years, my Dad moved to Tennessee to be closer to us. Dad said that he kept asking Mom to marry him and she consistently said no. We all moved not far over the border into Kentucky. Dad stayed in a little mini-house behind our actual house while he was working as a truck driver and looking for his own place. He found a house in Westmoreland, Tennessee and moved there.

I don't even remember what year it was, but I think I was 12 when Mom and Dad announced that they were getting married. Not many kids get to be a part of their own real parents' wedding, but we were! It was the cutest little wedding! :D

Since then, we've been happily living in the house in Tennessee. I once remember a girl telling me that I have had the perfect, pampered life. I just raised my eyebrows and thought "If only you knew." It's not really something that comes up in a conversation, so therefore not a lot of people know about this. So there you have it. Something you may or may not have known about Kirstin Tucker.

Love,
Kirstin

P.S. - I'm not afraid to talk about it. If you want to ask me anything about it, go right ahead! I'm not shy about it or anything! lol

Drive-in Movies

A glance at the clock proves that as I am typing this, it is 2:36 AM. You may be wondering, "now why on earth would this young lady be up at such an hour?!" Well, good friends, I will tell you. It's because I went to a drive-in tonight to see X-men First Class AND Pirates of the Carribean 4! :D Both movies were good, but X-men was SO MUCH BETTER! Whoo! Is it just me, or does it seem like James McAvoy and Gerard Butler look a lot alike? Only...McAvoy is better. They seem like they could be brothers.They're both Scottish! :D But anyways, Pirates wasn't nearly as great as the other ones. It was good, but it wasn't great. :P

That's all I really wanted to talk about...I'm boring when I'm up this late.

Goodnight!

Kirstin:)

Who Lived in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

Wow, I haven't posted anything in a while. "I am filled with chagrin."

This morning, as my mother was painting the living room, I was lounging on our overstuffed chair watching her paint. We got into a pretty good conversation about the teenage views of dating and relationships. Here's one bit of our conversation.

Mom - "You don't want to be stuck dating some loser when Mr. Right comes along."
Me - "Well most girls will say that they can just dump the loser."
Mom - "Well then the girl was just using him. Is that true love? Using someone?"

Oh man...I love my Mom. She and I think so much alike, especially when it comes to these things. Mom and Dad say that I'm like an adult in my views on relationships, which in my opinion is a good thing. Other kids will probably roll their eyes and say I'm a killjoy, but at least I'll save myself from heartbreak.

Then we got on the subject of me meeting Mr. Right someday, and Mom thinks I'll meet him at camp in two weeks. *rolls eyes* Yeah right.

In other news, it is SO WEIRD that I'm not in high school anymore. It's really awesome though! I'm kind of glad that I graduated early, because it feels amazing to be done with high school! It's weird because when I'm with a group of a bunch of UCA friends, I'm like one of the only ones who is not a highschooler.

I'M GOING TO AN 80'S PARTY TOMORROW! It's going to be so fun! I love love LOVE everything about the 80's! You could say that I'm kind of excited.

Adios amigos,
Kirstin